Conversations With Soon To Be Dead People
by AlphaDerekMakesMeDrool
Summary: Allison and Scott are having relationship problems as usual. Stiles just wants some alone time, until he accidentally reveals his biggest secret, then he just wants to die. Unfortunately the man of his dreams can probably help him with that!


"Stiles, I hate him. I really, really hate him!"

Stiles emitted an exasperated sigh, "Well Allison, in what way do you hate him?"

"I hate him in the way, where I hate him."

This conversation was going nowhere fast, he'd been sitting consoling Allison for the better part of an hour and he still had no idea what Scott had done to trigger this sequence of events. None of Stiles' plans for this evening included being Allison's shoulder to cry on, while talking her down of a metaphorical ledge. His plans might not have been big. But they were his plans and he'd much rather have his cock gripped in his right hand, while he fantasized that Derek Hale was stripping off his jeans and bending him over the nearest horizontal surface. But No! Scott and Allison's drama had gotten so out of control, that Stiles couldn't even masturbate in peace anymore.

"Allison, you know I'm a big fan of you and I love hearing you verbally slam Scott. But can we, y'know, pretend that I have plans this evening and get this conversion to the point where it's over. We both know you'll be playing tonsil hockey with him again, by tomorrow anyway!"

Allison blushed a little, "I won't Stiles' it's over this time, I swear."

Stiles rolled his eyes, in a manner that Derek Hale would have been jealous of. "Allison, I wanna believe you babe. But you said that the last 3 times you broke up with Scott, I believe you about as much as I believe Derek, when he threatens to rip my throat out."

"Stiles?"

Stiles' tone was bored, bordering on barely conscious, "Derek's harmless, he threatens to rip out my throat to get me to help him. It's a thing!"

Allison looked at him questioningly, "I thought he was your friend, friends don't threaten to kill each other."

"He is my friend! If he was going to kill me, he'd have done it by now. He only threatens me because he has all the social skills of a Shark with PMS."

Allison attempted to stifle a laugh, but it was no use after a few seconds she was giggling uncontrollably. Stiles rolled his eyes again, it actually wasn't that funny, it had sounded funny in his head, but when he said it out loud he was disappointed with it. Then he got annoyed because he didn't know if Allison had found the joke genuinely funny, or if she was just humouring him. Either way he wished she'd get it out of her system quickly, so he could end this conversation and be alone with his thoughts, and the lube he'd gone to Ridgedale to buy.

"Allison would you stop laughing please, it wasn't that good of a joke. I can't decide who's shame should be greater: mine for telling the joke, or yours for laughing at it."

Allison made an effort to stop laughing, by taking 3 deep controlled breaths, it seemed to work, "Sorry, Stiles! I know it's not fair to bitch to you, but Jackson and Lydia were busy and Danny refused to get involved."

"I could have been busy."

Allison sighed "Really Stiles?"

"I could have been busy! I could have been doing Wolf Pack stuff, or had a date."

"A Date?"

"Yes a date, it's not unheard of for me to have a date. I took Lydia to the school dance. Also I wish you and Scott would let me refuse to get involved, in your business."

"Can we move this along now, really! Before I leave you to bitch to your empty room. What's he done this time?"

"He's been ignoring me, he's very focused on Pack Training."

"We'll he is a werewolf, and you've been just as focused on your Hunter Training."

"So you're taking his side." Allison screamed!

"Jesus! Allison I'm not taking sides, I'm just pointing out that you just turned into the queen of the double standard."

Allison groaned and fell face first into her bedspread. She knew Stiles was right, but she'd been trying to make her ill-considered point for almost an hour now, she wasn't giving up without a fight. Stiles had a feeling Allison was going to be tenacious, even though she was wrong, which must have been a first in her and Scott's relationship, he needed a new line of conversation. One that could hopefully make all of this go away and get him back to his own house, so he could indulge in his now nightly routine, of fantasizing about Derek.

"OK so you're both busy right now, it's not the end of the world, it's certainly not a good reason to break up with each other. Just think about all of the things he does, that make you feel happy and special. Like bringing you flowers. OK, they're the cheap ones from the Kwik 'n' Go and he doesn't actually pay for them, but it's the thought that counts." Stiles finished quickly, realising that cheap, stolen flowers probably weren't the best way to go.

"Well I love how considerate and thoughtful he is."

"Yes, good, go with that! Remember that he still comes to dinner at your house, even though everybody at the table has or is training to be able to kill him."

Allison groaned again!

"Or the way he looks when he's just stepped out of the shower, with tiny water droplets running down his chest and a big fluffy towel around his waist." Stiles' voice had a slightly dreamy quality to it.

"Stiles." Allison's voice was sharp, "Stiles, are you in love with Scott?"

She glanced at Stiles and he'd clearly zoned out. She sat back up, "Stiles." she said as she snapped her fingers near his face, in an effort to bring him back to this reality. Suddenly Stiles was paying attention to her again, but the last thing she'd said to him had clearly gone in one ear and out the other. She realised that Stiles had made a huge confession, and he'd done it unintentionally. If Stiles was in love with Scott, then it was unfair to drag him into her and Scott relationship problems. In her head it made perfect sense: Stiles was in love with Scott, but Scott was straight and Stiles was pining for him and that's he never went on dates.

"Stiles, are you in love with Scott?" She asked again, this time without the edge in her voice.

"What, what are you talking about? Don't be ridiculous!" Stiles' face flushed pink, because Allison wasn't that far off the mark. She'd very nearly hit the nail on the head.

"Stiles, it's OK if you are. I mean I can't say I'm thrilled about it, but I understand it and I understand why you hate getting dragged into our drama."

"Wait, what? Why do you think I'm in love with Scott?"

"Well you started talking about him in the shower, you were a little explicit. Then you zoned out and you were watching Scott in the shower, in your head. Please don't fantasize about him in front of me and we'll get everything sorted."

"I wasn't thinking about Scott, I swear, I - I, I was thinking about uh, uh Lydia. Of course Lydia!"

Allison's facial expression said she wasn't convinced, "I'd believe you if you hadn't taken 45 seconds to come up with the name of the girl you've been crushing on since Kindergarten."

Stiles' blush intensified and he buried his face in his hands, "OK, so not Lydia. But not Scott either I swear!"

"Danny!" Allison shrieked with glee.

"No, not Danny and before you say anything definitely not Jackson. Why Danny? Oh right because he's the only gay guy I know." Stiles took a minute to look insulted, but he wasn't really, he understood Allison's train of thought and knew that she'd never guess the identity of his crush anyway.

"It's a shame, it's not Danny, because he's really into you."

Stiles laughed so hard he snorted, "Danny is into me, yeah right. I don't know how I never figured that out, with him ignoring me and drooling over my cousin Miguel."

"Danny's into you Stiles. I think he just started pretending he wasn't, because he didn't know if you were gay and he didn't want to deal with the hurt. If he'd asked you out and you said no."

"I guess that makes sense and I'm flattered and everything, but it's still not Danny."

"Ooh, Intrigue. Well who is it? Is it somebody I know, maybe I can help you figure out if he's gay and interested in you. You'll finally go on a proper date."

"I don't think he's really the dating type." Stiles said before muttering under his breath, "More the pin you to walls and brain you with your own steering wheel type."

"I can hear you Stiles, even when you mutter."

"Oh c'mon Allison, I didn't mean anything by that. Just he has trouble expressing himself, since I'm not doing a great job either, I pass no judgement."

"So who is it Stiles? We've already ruled out everyone we know, so that means you want some strange."

Stiles rolled his eyes again, totally Derek Hale worthy again! "Allison, don't use slang like strange. It just sounds weird, when you do."

"Aww! C'mon Stiles you can't reveal something like this and then withhold information."

"Allison, I reveal that gay or bi completely by accident. I'd have been perfectly happily to die without anybody ever knowing. Since there's still a real possibility of dying of embarrassment, you may be the only person ever to know, and I am rooting for embarrassment or leaving your house and getting hit by a car."

"Stiles!"

Stiles just snorted again, "Look it's not a big deal, nothing will ever come of it. It's just another Stiles Stilinski inappropriate crush! Just like Lydia."

"Stiles, I just want you to be happy, if there's half a chance that he might be interested in you, you have to tell him how you feel."

Stiles laughed obnoxiously, "Tell Der - Derren how I feel, he wouldn't care. Besides I only met him once, when I was in Ridgedale at the start of the week."

"Stiles, Ridgedale's only 2 towns over. It's hardly long distance, if that's what your worried about."

"Allison can't we just drop this? Scott's mean, he's being so horrible to you. How dare he value Wolf training, over you.. Anything are you buying this at all?"

"Stiles you were right, Scott's Wolf training is important and so is your happiness. You can't bottle this up."

"Well I have to because Daryl's a little, well, he's completely emotionally retarded, constipated, how ever you wanna phrase it. He thinks grunts are an acceptable form of communication."

"Daryl, I thought you said his name was Derren."

Stiles flushed redder than beetroot, and his arms flailed wildly as he struggled to get his lie back on track. "I, uh, well, I uh. Oh No!"

"Right enough Stiles, if you want my help with this you have to tell me the truth."

"Who said I wanted your help? I accidentally outed myself and then you barged your way into my crush, which is my business. You don't want to help me, you just want gossip for Lydia on Monday. Well it's not going to happen, no gossip here! If I don't tell you Derek's name and I leave right now, then you'll never know who my crush is and you and Lydia won't have any gossip. Then you'll learn to..."

"Derek, you mean Derek Hale?"

"mind your own business." Stiles realised he'd just made a really terrible mistake, "Oh God, stupid brain, why can't you keep up with my mouth you stupid, stupid brain."

"Stiles, Derek Hale is dangerous he's a Werewolf."

"So's Scott, you can't lecture me. If you do you're a hypocrite! Anyway I'll just let myself out and hope that I get struck by lightning or a car, bye Allison."

Stiles finished timidly and left Allison's room. Months of keeping his secret safe, just went up in smoke because he couldn't stop thinking about Derek Hale naked. Allison had her juicy gossip for Lydia, who would tell Jackson, eventually Isaac would find out and tell Derek. Derek would then come and rip his throat out with his teeth. Stiles had always known his mouth would get him into trouble one day, he just never believed it would actually get him killed.


End file.
